she had her .

bummer, again, didn't take. was really hoping for an exciting christmas gift of a possible + on the test! but, no such luck.
finishing up holiday homemade goodies. homemade caramel dipped pretzels with toasted coconut or mini m&ms, shortbread cookie bars- chocolate dipped, peppermint bark, meyer lemon-ginger bark, garden mint cookies-chocolate drizzled, chocolate covered bacon, chocolate covered potato chips, mexican-spiced truffles, earl grey truffles, and homemade salted caramels! good times!
merry christmas, everyone! may god bless all of you, and may the new year bring all the needed change and positive energy we need!
hoping in late 2012 there will be a baby in our lives! this is my christmas wish!
xoxo!

the time is now...

yesterday the attempts started, again! and tonight they continue. poor ray. he's exhausted!

happy thanksgiving!

okay, it's been a very long time! hope you all had a fantastic thanksgiving! well. i figured all this baby business was over! we took the month of october off, and guess we were too late for november. so, sounds like we are going to resume the process in december! what a fantastic christmas gift that would be the little "+" on the stick! we had a fabulous thanksgiving! good company, good food! ray and m are at walmart doing the black friday thing. i work tomorrow, so, i'm home relaxing! ray, having the day off, can stay out as long as he desires! all my love to all.

this month, we all rest.

been neglecting my blog, sorry. b is out of the picture, i guess. so, it is just m, ray & i. m wants to take this month off due to stresses in her life, next month we will begin the trying for a baby, again!
still selling tupperware, now, i'm getting into pampered chef. so, if anyone wants to set a party for either, or both, let me know! i also do catalog sales, fyi.
this whole baby thing has been on the back-burner, it really does seem too good to be true! quite a few people have expressed concerns with legalities of this ordeal, to all of you, don't worry! now is just the fertilization attempts! it may never work! if we are lucky enough to get pregnant, once the child is welcomed into the world, we then will have all the legal aspects reviewed and settled! for now, we try to make a baby! unconventional, so, with a little science, luck, prayer, and dreams, we keep trying! i guess i will now try to change the title of this blog, from 2+2=5 to 1+2=4. let's see if i can figure that out!

another .

she had her . on sunday. bummer.

yesterday and today

yesterday i received a text from m. it's time! so, there were four deliveries, yesterday. today will be a few more!  sorry i haven't posted in a while! since there is so much wait time, i was posting random things, ray said i should stick with the 2+2=5 theme, only. but, you know what?, this is my blog, i'll do it the way i want to!!! so. we will wait two weeks after these deliveries and fertilization attempts for pregnancy test! we will pray, keep our fingers and toes crossed, wish, dream, hope! i am doing all these for my little brother, as well. he's not in a good place, in life. please pray for him.

portuguese tonight, greek tomorrow.

went to amy and dave's to visit with them and my dad, brooke, and julia, and we took rue with us to hang out with bailey! celebrated my dad's birthday, (aug. 24) made portuguese sopa for dinner, it turned out quite delicious! and since amy had surgery on wednesday, she is still recouperating! made them dinner for tomorrow night, greek kounoupithi, greek chicken meatballs, and homemade greek tzatziki. i was really proud, they all tasted fabulous! put some love into that meal. i hope the shein family and dad enjoy it tomorrow! if any one would like the recipes to try, let me know, i will type them up and email them to you! the greek meatball recipe calls for lean ground beef, i got a superb deal on ground chicken, very low fat, was yummy, had to taste and share samples of these new to me recipes, YUM!!! and the tzatziki was made with fresh cucumber, fat free plain yogurt, strained. and fresh dill. fantastic! all super low in fat, super low in sugar/carbs! it's fun to try new things! so, amy, dave, or dad just need to put the meatballs and kouneupithi in the oven, directions written on foil covering, dip the meatballs in the tzatziki, maybe make a quick greek salad, and enjoy! my cousin pia got married, today! YAY! her husband suffered a heart-attack, their plans were to get married next year, but decided to push up the date due to this incident. manny is doing well, goes in for bypass heart surgery, tomorrow, please, anyone who reads this, please say a prayer for them!

"am i right, am i wrong, or am i just dreaming"

from erasure's am i right.
i do feel like this whole having a child thing is just a dream. maybe it really is too good to be true! am i right for feeling this way? am i wrong for having doubts and fears?
been having low sugar episodes, lately. after taking my morning medications. think i'm not eating enough of a meal along with them. i eat throughout the day, but morning, never too hungry till lunch time. i do need to go see the doctor, again, i may need my medication adjusted! which would be wonderful, i started out taking two medications for type 2 diabetes, now i am only on one med. having the dosage reduced is one step closer to not having to rely on medication! i need to get better about testing my blood sugar, some days i completely forget. i had such a good routine going and being really good with the diet, now, i'm just bad. but, my sugars are always under control, if not too low! haven't had high sugars in quite a while! i do need to get back on track!

she had her .

she had her period. no baby. guess we will still keep trying!

wtf? so i may need to change this to 2+1=4?

so. m & b may have called it quits! wtf? this is strange! just found out about this info today! i am kinda shocked! b would still want in on the baby deal, but how so very uncomfortable! i love b. i love m. this really sickens me! bummer. i'm just hoping m is okay. she says she is, but, i worry! if she is pregnant will the stress of this be too much on her? could the stress cause harm on her or/and the baby? if the fertilization attempts were a bust, will this be the end of it? my mind is on hyperspeed!

13 days...

13 days or so pregnancy test will take place. tick tock....................

one more this morning, six attempts total.

yep, six fertilization attempts total. it will be amazing if one took. so, again, we wait. wait to test and hope for no period!!!

twice as nice, last night!

two deliveries, last night! so, it's a waiting game, now. how amazing it will be if it worked! five fertilization attempts total! with delivery, we drove the short few block's to b's house, called m and they came out to get the specimen cup. if the neighbor's were watching, they might have thought we were performing a drug deal. especially when i handed the cup over, discretely, and they would say thank you, and i would say, have fun! then we would drive home! the last delivery, i was waiting for a police officer to appear to see what was going on! laughing about it, ray said that happened on an ally mcbeal episode. (or something close to). so, now we just wait. in a couple weeks we can do a pregnancy test, i hear. if it didn't take, we will do all this all over again untill it does take! time goes by so slowly!

three times a charm?...

delivered three specimen cups. will try round two tomorrow when m & b are home around 7 pm. plenty of time for ray to rest and get ready for it, again! read pumpkin, celery, and red meat will increase semen production, as well as keeping well hydrated! good night to all. xoxo.

it's happening, it's really happening!

this morning we got text messages stating the ovulation test said positive!!! so, tonight is our first attempt! i'm home from work, ray is at the movies. so, we will deliver the goods and keep our fingers crossed! are we really gonna be parents? i hope so! just when i was about to give up, here it is!

...waiting...

i'm getting discouraged. thinking this may not happen. i totally got my hopes up, are they going to come crashing down? m says she thinks she should be very fertile, but the ovulation test says NO. who knows.

saturday morning...

going to napa to visit with family, today. grandparents in from tennessee, aunt from portland, or., uncle from san jose, mom from patterson, and sis and family( in napa ). ray joked, last night, watch, we will get a call when we are on our way to napa! so, that's all i could think of, last night, night full of dreams. i wouldn't mind it, at all. i just hope it does happen, soon!

didn't happen, yet.

when we get the... okay, go... we will have 48 hours to make the attempts! any day, any time. so, we still just wait...

forgot to mention...

on monday, i was offered a full time position, at work in dixon! i accepted! so, now instead of driving 35 minutes to work, it will only be 15!!! and full time hours and benifits!!! very happy!

wednesday...first attempt!!!!!!!!!!

m sent me a text last night. she says wednesday we will try our first fertilization attempt! so, less than a week away!!! i am going to sage our houses, rid our living spaces from negative energy. want all positive energy to surround us all. it's happening!!! wouldn't it be absolutely amazing if the first attempt works?!!

we were off on ovulation, couple weeks to go...

as time passes, it seems we are almost forgetting the excitement of this ordeal. once ray and i get the phone call for "delivery needed" it will slap us in the face of the realization of it all. the waiting has drowned some of the excitement, we are just waiting... so, now, ray and i need to get back on track of healthy eating, keeping well hydrated, and taking our vitamins! for my health, and for ray to be ready!(and his health, as well, of course!)

bored...

so bored, i know i should be cleaning and organizing, but instead, i sit here. made a grocery list after making a menu for the next few weeks! been making sugar-free lemonade with ginger, love it!!! took rue for a walk, today, she was well behaved, a first! will walk further, tomorrow! hope everyone is having a good week!

waiting sucks

not knowing if any of this is actually going to work, and waiting for the time to start sucks! the waiting game after the fertilization attempts will be even worse, though! we are so thankful to having m in our lives! she's been special to us, but now, i realize why god wanted her in our lives!

now we still wait...

ray's test results are all good. negative on all. we wait for m. then we wait for ovulation, then it begins! we saw friends with benefits (an advanced screening), it was really cute, i highly recommend seeing it! the mother-in-law moved out! i love her to pieces, but, it's not easy living with in-laws! i'm very happy for her, she is getting married, soon! living in lake county. i wish her the best! a co-worker's daughter is selling raffle tickets for a trip to nationals in arizona for softball. i offered to donate some tupperware and buy two tickets for $10 a piece. selling tupperware allows me to get discounts on product, i ordered a buy one get one free bowl set for over half off. kept one set for personal use, the other to display at potential parties, have had no parties, just catalog sales, so, i give the sets away as wedding gifts or donate to charities for auction or raffle prizes! my co-worker was pleased with the offer! earned a coupon for sales and purchased splenda with fiber samples, thought it would only be a couple, it was two 7.5 oz boxes, and 100 1.0 oz sample packs with save $1 coupons with each! any one want splenda with fiber samples?

waiting sucks...

waiting sucks, knowing that all medical testing has got to be just fine, results should be in. so, hopefully planning the fertilization process will begin very soon! ray and i went to a screening of horrible bosses on tuesday night, it was good, jennifer aniston was awesome, and usually, i cannot stand her! last night we went to a screening of friends with benifits, we absolutely loved it! highly recommend it!

happy 4th of july!

worked, today! holiday pay, i'm happy! had a nice dinner with ray. today was sarah's birthday, my friend for over 28 years! she will be an honorary aunt to the baby! looking forward to the next three days off work!

camping...fun but torture!

we survived, we were camping for just under 24 hours! the best part was arriving home and showering! but, did have a good time with good people! it has been years since i've been camping, think i can wait many years for the next camping adventure! i just hate feeling dirty! happy fourth everyone!

correction.....

i do apologize, ray thinks the potential baby will be a boy.

a week we wait...

ray's tests were done yesterday. so, a week we wait for the results. ray and i are going to have a one night out with m and b to celebrate the four of us involved in this journey, on saturday night! we will take in some natural beauty and relax with good company! hopefully a campfire will cook dinner, and smores,( i can limit myself to one, if i'm good all day!) sleep under the stars, then come home to a (i'm sure) much needed shower. i know there have been many others in the world who have chosen to take this journey, but to me, it's surreal, so surreal. i'm thrilled, i'm scared, i may be moving too fast in writing a blog, but, why not? if the journey must come to a hault for any reason, it is a journey, non the less. i didn't expect any followers, i just want to chronicle the experience from the beginning, in hopes we can look back at the whole event. i will start taking pictures, g rated, of course!!! i'm sure there will be many tears. tears of joy, laughter, pain, frustration, confusion, pretty much every emotion could carry tears in this journey!

it's wednesday, june 29, 2011, ray's appointment is at 6pm.

he will be receiving medical testing for any and potential threats to m and the baby. i am ready to go pick him up from work to take him. we have tickets to see transformers 3, tonight. if all tests come out clear, we will make our first fertilization attempts mid to late july! we may even go to santa cruz or monterey, somewhere on the coast, we can rent adjoining rooms and reduce the distance of delivery, insuring more life of product, the substance has no shelf life, we have minutes, not days! m is 40 years old, so there are a few road blocks delivered by nature, but, we are going to give it a go! wish us all luck, our journey has just begun. i hope you enjoy the ride ride with us. forgive my grammar, forgive my bluntness, forgive me for being me! hold on, it may get bumpy, but, i have a feeling it's gonna be exciting! maybe m and b, me and ray can take a trip to new york to get married, legally! m to b. me to ray! our lives may change forever!

on sunday, june 26, 2011.

the meeting went well. ray and i drove to b's house which is literally walking distance! m and b sat us down and asked, "well, whatcha think?" so, our questions came pouring out. m will be propped up with pillows awaiting the immediate delivery of ray's sperm. fertilization attempt will take place. medical testing for any potential harm to mother/child will need to be done, prior. m and b will cover all financial responsibilities, the child will attend school where m and b reside, (the child lives with the girls). ray and i will have full rights and share parenthood, visitation, involvement, etc. we chatted about clothing, decor, names, gender, m thinks the child will be male, ray, b and i think a girl. we laughed, we smiled, lots, i even shed a tear. we said yes! the four of us will become five. i do have to mention, our baby will have siblings, b's children, i hope to meet, soon! we said yes!

it all started on the night of june 18, 2011

i worked, so was unable to attend the concert at the casino, joan jett and the black hearts. ray was joined by m and b, b's sister went in my place. i received a text message from ray, late, i was on the phone with a friend. the message stated, "i have soooooo much to talk to you about." so, when ray got home, he told me why b was so blunt and talkative about if we ever considered or would consider having children, when we were on our way to the britney spears concert, a few days before. ray said, "when m and b's sister left the casino buffet table to use the restroom, b asked me if i would consider having a baby with the two of them, so the four of us will be parents, m will be the birth mother, and me the father. "yeah!", ray's response to my response of my jaw hitting the floor and grinning with excitement! ray and i discussed all the questions we had. then ray sent m a text message the next morning requesting a day to get together to discuss everything! the set day was sunday! it all feels right at the meeting, the answer will be a yes. are ray and i really going to be parents? sharing responsibility with a lesbian couple, two fantastic women, the potential mothers to our potential child. life feels pretty good, right now!